Transitioning Into a School Year Routine

Published on Wednesday, August 11th, 2010 — View Comments

By Shannon Eis

Can’t see the video? Click here to view it on CBS.com.

It’s that time of year again when parents everywhere are dealing with re-setting their child to get back in the school mindset. But before the learning begins, there are some basic routines that families can establish to make the transition as smooth as possible. Some of it rests with parents while kids themselves also have a role…so how is the work divided?

1. Parents have lots of to-do’s and they often come in the form of paperwork from the school – so get organized early. Be sure to review the material sent by the school as soon as it arrives.

  • It can include important information about your child’s teacher, room number, school supply requirements, dress code, sign ups for after-school sports and activities, school calendar dates, bus transportation and health and emergency forms.

2. Re-establish bedtime and meal routines one week before school starts. And make sure breakfast happens every day!

3. Shop early (and online) for school supplies…make a list and save receipts.

  • Choose a backpack with your child in mind – wide, padded straps and padded back. It shouldn’t weigh more than 10-20% of the child’s body weight when loaded up…if so, consider a rolling backpack.

4. Have necessary medical and emergency contact information updated and provide the info to other caregivers (carpoolers, playdates, after-school programs) in advance.

5. Designate a homework area and make it a “gadget-free” zone. No texting, web-surfing, etc.

6. Get important dates on calendar…back-to-school nights are important in setting the teacher-parent relationship off to a good start.

7. For younger children, see if the school offers early tours so that the child can visit their new school ahead of time and be familiar with the facilities….including bathrooms, which are a major “fear” issue for young children.

8. The first day is important so involve your child in planning so that they have a sense of control and independence. Organize supplies, clothing, lunch money and snacks the night before school to ensure a smoother start to the day.

9. Pack a lunch for the first few days until your child gets the hang of the lunchroom.

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A Better Night’s Sleep for Your Child

Published on Monday, July 26th, 2010 — View Comments

By Shannon Eis

The following video and article were originally created for and aired on The Early Show on CBS, and CBSnews.com. Follow these links to view the original video and article.

(CBS) It can be a nightmare for both parents and children: kids continually waking up in the middle of the night. But parenting expert Shannon Eis, a contributor to Time to Play magazine, shared some advice and products on “The Early Show” to help get some “rest for the weary.”

Eis explained there are three main causes of what she likes to call “night wakings.” The first is night terrors, or bad dreams.

“We all have nightmares,” she said. “As adults, we’re able to shake it off and go back to sleep. It’s not that easy, obviously, for kids. Very young children often do not know what woke them and older children usually end up in the parent’s bed because naturally, they’re scared.”

The second is because of restless sleep: without a solid bedtime routine, kids are subject to a restless night’s sleep. Eis suggests developing a routine each night to help your child relax and wind down from the day. (i.e., keep the light off, speak calmly, don’t stay in the room for a long time, read them a bedtime story, etc). Also, avoid caffeine and sugar before bed.

The third reason could be because of medical issues. If your child is waking in the middle of the night often, or complains of aches or pains, check with your pediatrician. Children are not immune to sleep disorders such as sleep apnea and insomnia, Eis said, so if problems continue for an extended period of time, again, maybe it’s time to visit a pediatrician.

Eis also suggests parents try out these back-to-sleep methods:

Help your child learn that nighttime and darkness don’t have to be scary – take walks in the neighborhood after dark, count the stars in your backyard, catch and release fireflies – or other activities that make fun out of darkness.
Use “snuggle time” as part of the wind-down routine, or to reward them for sleeping through the night.
Go on a monster search. Turn on all the lights before bedtime and search for monsters (or ghosts) to make sure the rooms are clear.
Reduce naps. Some experts believe that reducing the amount of time young children sleep during the day can extend the hours they sleep at night.

For parents, Eis says it’s important to remain calm.

“It’s important to remember that in most cases, children don’t wake in the middle of the night for attention, but they do want your help,” she said. “Sure, there’s nothing more annoying than being awakened in the middle of the night by your scared child. But you have to manage your frustration and exhaustion. Kids usually just want some reassurance, and if you have the proper tools to handle them, they’ll be back to sleep in no time. On the other hand, we need to use discretion when checking up on our kids. Don’t feel like you have to get up every time you hear a noise.”

Eis suggests these products to help your children get a better night’s sleep:

Rockabye & Hushabye Baby CDs
Younger children, especially ones who are having a restless night’s sleep, respond well to music or holding/rocking if they’re waking up in the middle of the night. There are these Rockabye Baby and Hushabye Baby lines of baby CDs which I love. The Rockabye Baby CDs feature “soft” versions of songs we adults know and love — songs by U2, Bob Marley, the Beatles, and more. And the Hushabye Baby CDs are similar, except they’re soft versions of popular country songs.

Books:
You can also read them a story, and there are loads of books written for nights when kids wake up from a bad dream or are having trouble sleeping. A couple of my favorites are: “Bernstein Bears and the Bad Dream” and “There’s a Nightmare in My Closet.” Also, I really like “Goodnight Moon,” “The Going To Bed Book,” and “The Quiet Book.”

Noise Machines:
Noise machines are great additions to a kids room. Many adults have them, they help us fall asleep. They play a variety of soothing sounds, which have been proven to make it a bit easier for kids to fall back asleep.

This one from Brookstone even features a pre-natal setting for infants (it sounds like a muffled heart beat).

Fan:
It seems simple, but we have one clipped to the side of both of our kids’ beds and it’s been a game changer. The breeze coming off the fan combined with that whirring sound can really help relax and soothe your kids and get them back to sleep, especially on a hot summer night.

Alarm Clock:
This is the Stoplight Sleep Enhancing Clock. It’s a fun and simple way for toddlers to answer their own question, “Is it time to get up?” At a young age, toddlers know their colors and understand that red means stop and green means go. Parents or kids can set the time. When it’s on red, it’s time to sleep. Green? Time to wake up. Available at Amazon.com.

Night Lights:
There are loads of options and just about any one will do, but I really like this trend of lights that kids can keep in bed with them, like this Twilight Turtle, available at Amazon.com. The light from its shell projects a starry night sky onto the walls and ceiling, and it’s safe for a child to hold, so they can keep it in their bed with them and fall asleep with it.

We also have a more conventional style of nightlight that simply plugs into the wall, but you can see the little plastic fish moving around which makes it more fun for the kids.

And there are of course others that are activated by movement or sound.

For Parents:

Flashlight:
If you need to check on your child in the middle of the night, make sure you have a flash light nearby because, chances are, you’re going to be walking around in the dark. Unfortunately, for me, I was doing just that when I tripped on a stair and broke a bone in my foot. So make sure you have one of these in your hand while navigating around the house.

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Back to School… It’s Here!!!

Published on Friday, July 23rd, 2010 — View Comments

By Christopher Byrne (Follow Chris on Twitter at @TheToyGuy)

You’ve probably just settled into your summer routines, and the last thing you want to think about is going back to school. Join the club. If you think that time is flying, you’re not alone, but with many students going back to school in mid-August, the time to think about getting ready is now. And retailers know that as well. If you’ve been shopping lately, you notice that the store shelves are full of Back to School Items, and the National Retail Federation estimates that sales will be up 11 percent this season. That’s good news as economists will be watching spending during this period closely as a potential forecast of Q4 sales.

There are good deals to be had right now as well, as retailers who bought heavily in the early part of the year on reports of an improving economy may be getting cold feet and trying to move inventory.

Yet setting the macro issues aside for a moment, where it really matters to you is in your household. Getting an early start on your Back to School shopping can make it easier and less stressful as well. Here are some tips you may want to consider:

Stuff on “The List”—Particularly for elementary and middle school grades, teachers send lists of products that they expect kids to have. From crayons to pencils, to glue, these basics are standard for virtually every kid. Teachers are often specific about brands, and manufacturers do a lot of marketing and promotion to get their products on the list, but teachers we talk to say that quality and value are their first concerns when specifying products. These products seem to get a little more expensive every year, but remember to keep those receipts because you can deduct up to $1,600 of these expenses per child from kindergarten through 7th grade and up to $2,500 from 7th to 12th grades.

Stuff that’s “Cool”—Here’s where you have a lot of leeway and can allow kids to indulge their own tastes. Such accessories as lunch boxes, knapsacks are ways kids express themselves. Generally kids want new ones of these each year—not just because they wear out from hard use during the school year but because their tastes change. A kid who loved her Dora the Explorer backpack in kindergarten may feel “too big” for that as she enters first grade. Selecting just the right backpack or lunchbox is a big deal, so be sure to allow plenty of time for that.

Lots of schools allow similar amounts of leeway in writing implements, pens, folders, notebooks and so forth. It’s easy for adults to forget how important these things are for kids as one of the ways kids express themselves in school.

Stuff that’s “Hot”—Back to School fashions are equally critical, but with budgets tight and kids growing, managing the wardrobe can be a challenge. Depending on the age of the child, the conversation can be very different. More and more schools are moving towards standardized dress codes—not uniforms per se, but khakis and polos, for example. This can actually be a blessing for budgets, but if your school doesn’t have this kind of structure, with older kids, you can set a budget and allow them to have control over it. However, it’s a good idea to reserve veto power over what’s appropriate.

Stuff that’s tasty—Choosing the lunchbox is a fashion statement. Choosing what goes in it is a health concern. As more and more schools get rid of soda and sugared drinks and try to put an emphasis on healthier food, it’s a good time to think about healthy choices for the school year as well. Take time while you’re more relaxed to discuss a “food strategy” for the year. The best way to get kids to eat a healthy lunch is when the whole family eats healthier food. This is a great time to engage in some goal setting as a family that can make everyone feel better this year.

Stuff that’s tight—As in schedules. Lots of kids are overbooked and overtired—to say nothing of parents who feel like they live in their cars and are wondering how they would look in a chauffer’s uniform. Consider paring down the activities this year so that kids have time to concentrate and, well, be kids. Kids really need a balance of activities that are social, athletic, creative and open-ended. Broad exposure to a variety of different things is great, but as they get older, allowing them to concentrate and specialize in things they’re passionate about.

Stuff that’s fun—Of course there are great toys and tools that kids will want to have. Tune in to MomTV on July 30 from 12-1 EDT, when Jim and I show off some of the best—and give them away.

Back to School is always an exciting time of new beginnings. A little planning, and it can be fun for everyone.

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Mind Your Table Manners—It May Matter Later

Published on Tuesday, July 13th, 2010 — View Comments

By Christopher Byrne (Follow Chris on Twitter at @TheToyGuy)

When it came to table manners, I grew up in a very strict home. I mean, really strict. My brothers and I were constantly corrected about which fork to pick up, how to hold the flatware, where to put the napkin, how to chew and so forth. It was a constant battle for my parents with four rowdy boys who thought the height of hilarity was flinging a roll across the table when one said, “Please pass…” Or that peas or lima beans (ick) could be effective weapons when catapulted with a spoon. Still, mom and dad were tireless, saying we’d thank them later.

Mom was also fond of quoting a poem by Gelett Burgess. First published in 1900, “The Goops” caused a sensation, and by the time we were in primary school, we could all recite together:

“The Goops they lick their fingers,
And the Goops they lick their knives;
They spill their broth on the tablecloth –
Oh, they lead disgusting lives!
The Goops they talk while eating,
And loud and fast they chew;
And that is why I’m glad that I 
Am not a Goop — Are you?

The Goops are gluttonous and rude,
They gug and gumble with their food;
They throw their crumbs upon the floor,
And at dessert they tease for more.
They will not eat their soup and bread
But like to gobble sweets, instead,
And this is why I oft decline,
When I am asked to stay and dine!”

We were also particularly fond of a verse that is pitched right at the humor level of 8-year-olds and went as follows:

I eat my peas with honey.
I’ve done it all my life.
It does taste rather funny,
But it keeps them on the knife.

With a combination of good humor and unrelenting persistence, the folks trained us to know what to do in any kind of social situation.

The other thing they did was forbid any kind of games or TV while at the table. There are plenty of studies that show that family meal times help communication skills, family bonding and more.

But here’s a new wrinkle: Teaching your kids good manners may be as important to their careers as the education they get.

A couple of weeks ago, I was on a plane with the head of HR for a major corporation. He was returning home after flying all over the country interviewing new college graduates for positions in his company. We got into a conversation because he commented on the fact that I had thanked the flight attendant for a soda. I’m not kidding. He remarked that it always surprised him that so many people were either rude or totally ignored people who helped them out, and started bemoaning the loss of basic courtesy or manners.

Now, this is something older generations have always done as they look at “those kids.” But in this case, it was worth paying attention. My seatmate said that after interviewing dozens of candidates with good skills, he wouldn’t hire anyone for a management track position with whom he had not had a meal.

Seriously.

His logic was that if someone is going to be in social business situations with clients, upper management and so forth, good manners could be a determining factor, and told a lot about a person’s character. Whether that is right or wrong is irrelevant, but his was his point of view, and he was handing out the jobs. He added that several candidates were eliminated on lack of table manners alone. Could he tell them? No. Employment laws are pretty strict, but there are always reasons that one candidate is chosen for one job over another. The most he could do was suggest that the rejected candidates need “a little more polish.” Or that they should “work on their presentation skills.” (When I said I wanted to write about this, he asked that neither he nor his company be identified.)

Today, so much emphasis is placed on kids being “well rounded,” on their having a long resume of skills and activities, and I won’t argue with that. But humans are also social animals with fairly elaborate social conventions. A well-rounded kid needs these skills as well, and it’s no harder than a little bit of work at the dinner table—where they’re going to be anyway.

Parents do so much to help prepare and teach their kids to be successful. Don’t forget what seems like smaller stuff. Sometimes that can make all the difference.

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Summer Reading. Ready?

Published on Thursday, June 3rd, 2010 — View Comments

By Christopher Byrne (Follow Chris on Twitter at @TheToyGuy)

In the new musical “The Addams Family,” Pugsley says to Grandma, “I don’t get your references.” Grandma replies, “Well, you might if you stop the darn texting and pick up a book.” It gets, as you might expect a huge laugh.

As schools get out for the summer, picking up a book should be on the agenda. I still remember wonderful summer afternoons reading outside. (No, it was not so long ago that the books were on stone or even papyrus!) I went to a school that had a reading list of books that would prepare us for the next year, but it was short. I think there were two or three required books, and I usually polished those off in the first week. I was, and am, a voracious reader, and for that I thank my parents. They were voracious readers, and our house was littered with books. We talked about what we were reading at meals, and reading was an encouraged pastime. Yes, we had TV, and we had time outside, unsupervised and with the dozens of other kids in our neighborhood, but hot afternoons, or rainy days were made for reading under a tree or on the dilapidated couch on our front porch.

Summer reading was always the time to discover new things. After the required reading of the school year was done, I had perfect freedom to read anything in the house—or anything I found in the library. (Which I took the bus to on my own starting in 5th grade.) The librarians and my parents would suggest things, and it was through them that I discovered Ray Bradbury, Agatha Christie, Kurt Vonnegut, Joseph Heller and many more authors who have shaped me but who were not in the reading curricula.

Those were the days when “reading for pleasure” was a watchword. No, we didn’t have a video game system or a huge TV or a million channels and DVDs, but those hours and days spent immersed in books were more than entertaining.

Reading for pleasure is an essential part of developing the imagination. You have to see what the author is describing. This ability to grasp and envision something abstract is an essential tool for later learning. Some books read like movies. Certainly “The DaVinci Code” is written like one, but I can remember suffering from a sunburn and finding a tattered copy of “Gone With the Wind,” which I read in a couple of days, the story unfolding on page after page and the vivid world appearing before my eyes. Later, when I saw the movie, it was certainly amazing, but not so rich as what I had imagined as I lay on my stomach not to irritate my quickly peeling back.

In addition, reading builds vocabulary, gives one an ear for language and helps one understand characters and much more. For children after about third grade, getting into chapter book series can be a great way to get started. My parents were big on the classics, so I read a lot of those, and struggling with some big words and complex sentences ultimately gave way to a real delight in the stories and worlds created by Dickens, Thackery, Eliot and Fielding.

It’s hard to stress the importance of reading, but the best way to get kids to read is to make it fun. When I was growing up, we didn’t have the kinds of super book stores there are today. Take your kids, and let them get lost in the books, look at the jackets, and sit on the floor and get a sense of what they might get into.

It’s impossible to say whether or not your kids will be better students because of this, but reading is a pleasure that can last a lifetime. Today, a lot of my reading is done on an e-reader, which is great to carry on planes, but the thrill of starting a new book, discovering new characters and getting to that magical point where you know you’re hooked on a story is a pleasure that never gets old.

There are lots of good, sound reasons to encourage kids to read this summer, but keep that to yourself. Instead, stress the fun and excitement that reading can bring—a complementary activity to everything active you do in the summer.

Oh, and the best way to get kids to read is to read yourself. Why not pick up a book you’ve been planning to read this summer? Why should kids have all the fun?

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For the Good of the Group

Published on Monday, May 24th, 2010 — View Comments

By Christopher Byrne (Follow Chris on Twitter at @TheToyGuy)

Why “plays well with others” still matters.

A boy in a preschool setting is happily playing with a truck. Another boy comes over and snatches it. The first boy yells and snatches it back. Who got in trouble?

The first boy who snatched it back. He got a time out for fighting, was written up, and his parents were warned that if it happened again, he would be suspended.

I’m not making this up; I wish I were.

A five-year-old behaves naturally when his boundaries are trounced upon. It’s his instinct to fight back, but in this case he was punished for it. I’m not sure whom I feel sorrier for, though, the boy who was sticking up for his rights, or the kids whose aggressive behavior is being reinforced.

We have a serious problem in our educational system right now and in certain parenting circles. There is a belief that all conflict is wrong and should be stopped. Yet conflict is an inevitable part of life, and where are kids going to learn it if not in kindergarten or at home? The role of kindergarten originally was not to prepare children for standardized reading and math tests. It was not to cram kids with facts and turn them into pint-sized scholars. It was to socialize them to function within a group—as a member of a group that has rules and where there are consequences for actions. It was to take the natural instinct of a kid whose truck has been snatched away to fight back and model a new kind of behavior that is consistent with the good of the group. Children were taught to understand that certain modes of behavior were unacceptable and that their survival as a member of the group was dependent on their learning the rules of the group and suffering the consequences when they violated those rules.

But after talking to Kindergarten teachers over the past few months, I wonder where these kids are learning this stuff. What I’m hearing is that there are policies for behavior, and if kids violate those policies, they’re in the soup. Yet, where is the teaching? Where is the learning? Many kids come to Kindergarten without ever having had to function as a member of a larger group. It is unreasonable to think that they might have learned this at home. We hear all the draconian punishments visited on kids for doing things like bringing toy guns to school, yelling or snatching back a truck. But who is responsible for teaching these kids in the first place? You can’t lecture a five-year-old; he or she has to learn through experience. You can’t impose adult sensibilities on a child who can’t yet read and expect him or her to behave as an adult would. That’s insane thinking, and yet it’s happening all the time.

As a result, we have teachers who are either afraid to discipline because their authority has been disrespected and undermined and parents will be up in arms if their little precious is reprimanded. On the other had, there are disciplinary actions that are so out of scale with the “crime” that there is no teaching possible.

Socialization is not something that can be quantified in a curriculum. It’s different for every kid. Some kids will be aggressive and need to understand what they can and cannot do. On the other hand, some kids are shy and retiring and need to be encouraged to participate in a group. The problem is a one-size-fits-all approach that either overly punishes the former and ignores the latter and doesn’t account for the individuality of each child and their distinct needs.

It has become a cliché and almost a joke in our culture to talk about how a child “plays well with others,” and yet it is the most important skill a child can learn. In fact, I’d rather see a child graduate from Kindergarten with that skill than any other. The mechanics of reading, writing and arithmetic can come later, but a child who knows how to function successfully within a group will be happier, and arguably, have more self-esteem than a child who is either scared into compliance with rules or whose natural, human impulses are never put into a social context.

In fact, I wonder how larger discourse in our country right now would be changed if more people thought of the good of the group?

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Summer Brain Drain

Published on Friday, May 21st, 2010 — View Comments

By Shannon Eis

I’ve sat through three parent sessions this week at my daughter’s school that dealt with “summer brain drain” and how to keep kids from losing 30% of what teachers worked hard all year to cram into their little brains. And while some of the information was useful, very little of it took into account that kids actually need and deserve some time off. I was also struck by “fun activity” recommendations they offered parents for keeping kids’ minds engaged all summer. I’m pretty sure that my daughter would not, in fact, enjoy me dumping her LEGOs all over the floor so that she can count them as she cleans them up.

For my part, I’m not running to the bookstore to snatch up subject workbooks for my incoming first grader to be tortured over all summer. But I will spend some time talking to her (vocabulary building) during a day trip that I’ll let her map out (geo-literacy) to visit a national monument (history/social studies) where she and her brother will explore with wild summer abandon (recess).

Sometimes the best learning moments are disguised as fun.

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Present Tense: Birthday Gifts Without The Stress

Published on Wednesday, March 24th, 2010 — View Comments

By Christopher Byrne (Follow Chris on Twitter at @TheToyGuy)

For something that’s supposed to be fun—a birthday party—lots of people can get pretty bent out of shape about them, especially when it comes to presents. If you’re the guest, questions as to what to spend or whether a parent is going to welcome something into the house are paramount. If you’re throwing the party, questions as to when to open presents and how to teach kids to be gracious are paramount.

It’s not easy. Every parent has a horror story, such as the parents I know in California who spent about $25 (higher than the national average) on a gift, only to find that most of the other guests brought very expensive presents. You have to ask who is trying to impress whom at that point, quite frankly.

Here are some tips that will help you minimize the stress, and, hopefully, create a lot of fun for kids celebrating their special days.

  1. What to spend? This is always the big question. It depends on your area of the country, and what’s standard practice among your child’s peer group. However $15-$20 seems to be about the top, according to our survey of parents across the country. You can get a very good toy for that amount of money, even some of the hot promotional toys. Remember, last year’s super-hot item the Zhu Zhu Pets were under $10, and anyone who scored one of those would have been a hero at a party. It’s good to remember, particularly for children under 8, play value is far more important than the actual dollar value. If you’re part of a group, school or class, it’s a good idea to come to an agreement among all the parents as to what to spend. With young kids, if you’ve got 20 parties to buy for each year, and you spend $15 per kids, you’re committing to $350 overall, which is a lot of money.
  2. What to buy? Again, this varies by ages. For preschoolers and toddlers, stuffed animals, age-appropriate games and books are always a good idea. As kids get older, they have very specific likes and dislikes. Talk to your kids about what they’re into, and take them shopping with you. For example for boys from 4-7, action figures are great, particularly if it’s a character all the kids are into. That will be $10 or less.
  3. What about gift cards? After a kid is 9 or 10, gift cards can be a good idea. However, we find that kids would rather get a present—and a gift receipt so something can be exchanged—than a gift card. Cards are okay if you know a child is hoping to get something big, but it’s always nice to have something to open.
  4. Any ways to save money? We know one parent who has an ingenious idea: She knows approximately how many parties her kids will go to, and at the beginning of the season they go shopping and buy versions of the same thing. These gifts are stored in the “present closet,” and the child gets to pick when he or she has a party to go to. This allows you to take advantage of special sales when you see them, or buy-one-get-one offers and it means you almost never have to run to the store on an emergency present run.
  5. If your child is giving. Remember, kids get very proud of the presents they give. It often means a lot to them. So involving them in the selection process is great. Remind him or her that the birthday boy or girl may not open the presents at the party, so it’s not a great idea to yell, “Open it!” when the gift is presented. (Of course, sometimes the kids are all so excited they can’t wait.)
  6. If your child is receiving. Talk to them before the party about being a good host. Decide in advance if you’re going to open presents while the guests are there, or later. If you decide later, make sure you have a way for the child to thank each present giver personally. It doesn’t have to be a formal thank you note, but kids like to receive acknowledgement. (Parents too.) Also, teach them to be gracious recipients. If the toy is a duplicate, teach them not to say, “I already have this,” or some version of that. With so many parties and so many presents, it’s inevitable that one or two may be disappointing, but don’t let the giver know. That’s what the gift receipt is for.
  7. Don’t sweat it. Parents tend to make a much bigger deal of this than kids do. It’s not a competition; it’s a birthday party. Keep it simple, keep it fun and keep the focus on good play.

Think about it: Do you remember the toys you got at birthday parties? Of all the parties I had as a kid, I remember one gift: large die-cast car. My classmate Ricky gave it to me for my 7th birthday, and I think I still have it. That’s one in who knows how many. Relax, do your best; don’t bust your budget. Focus on the fun and the pleasure you’ll be giving, and that’s the best gift of all to you.

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Make Sure “Happy Birthday” is Happy for All

Published on Wednesday, March 24th, 2010 — View Comments

By Jim Silver (Follow Jim on Twitter at @JimSilver)

I don’t know whether it’s good, bad or just plain scary that my wife and I have thrown almost 50 birthday parties over the years for our kids. While you want to create memories that can last a lifetime, you do not empty your bank account. As a Birthday Vet, I’ve seen everything from disasters, to great parties on a budget to some that were nicer than my wedding, no kidding.

Whatever you plan, though, the key to a great party is organization and planning. Here’s our checklist that can help make party planning easier:

  1. Set a Budget: This comes first. Decide what you can afford, and what’s appropriate for your child’s age. I always loved going to the fancy parties for a one-year-old, which the child will never remember. That’s something for the parents. Plan what’s comfortable for you, and please, don’t try to “keep up with the Joneses.” There will always be someone that does something ridiculously over the top, but you want to do what feels right for you. Trust me, if you’re focused on the good time, the kids won’t be counting what you’ve spent.
  2. How many kids are coming? Now that you’ve set a budget, you can determine that number of kids your child wants to invite. Often younger kids like to (or parents feel compelled to) invite a whole class. However, as kids get older, the number of guests usually decreases. (Turning 16 is something for another column.) The number of gusts should partially be determined by the nature of the party and your budget.
  3. Will the party be home or away?A party out usually entails going to a party place, like a Chuck E Cheese’s or an activity party place. The Pros:You don’t have a large number of kids in your home, and all you have to do is show up with your child. The Cons: The price. Personally, when my kids were younger, we always had the party at our home. We’d have a craft for the kids to make(and bring home) , cooking activities, sports and games for small prizes. If you do have a home party, employ relatives or a parent of your child’s friends, who often are happy to stay and help.
  4. What do you spend on a party favor?You don’t need to spend more than $5 per child. You’ve just entertained them, you don’t need to give them a major present, too. The obvious choices are toys and candy, the favorites of every child. You also don’t need to spend as much if they’re bringing home something they made, which is one reason the craft parties work well.
  5. How long should a party be? Obviously, the younger the kids, the shorter the party. For kids in the early grades, two hours is plenty of time. If you’re planning a party away from home, add an hour for travel and wrangling kids.
  6. Planning is key. No matter the age of the kid or the size of the party, planning is essential. With younger kids, you may want to have a precise timetable—moving them from one room to another can be a challenge. Defined start and end times are also important, as well as making sure that parents or caregivers know when to drop off and pick up kids.
  7. Get information in advance. Particularly these days many kids have dietary limitations. Be sure that you check any of these in advance, and do your best to accommodate those needs. This is especially necessary for kids who may be old enough to have sleepover parties.
  8. Expect the unexpected. Even with all your planning, things may not go exactly as you wish. A level of flexibility and an ability to roll with whatever happens will be a great asset.
  9. Get support. You don’t have to do this all by yourself. Particularly with the youngest kids, having more than one adult around can be beneficial—and even a lifesaver. You might even trade off support duties with another child’s parents.
  10. Have fun. Oh, yeah, that. Seriously, though, you want to enjoy your children’s parties. Your kids will notice if it’s more of a labor for you. Of course, you’re still in charge, but some of those memories you’re trying to create belong to you as well. Make sure they’re the happy ones. Party!
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